One foot in the grave?

Posted: 27/05/2014 in Humour, Serious
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I fully acknowledge and accept the fact I’m fast becoming a grumpy old man, but I’ve just returned from the piss-house at work and someone before me has walked away from the sink having left the tap slightly on. 

Now, we’re not talking an occasional drip here; there’s a definite and significant egress of water happening. The tap’s even making a funny noise, the likes of which you’d expect when it hasn’t been shut off properly, so there’s no way whoever it was couldn’t have realised.

Whilst I congratulate them on washing their hands after their tinkle (or plop), it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out the tap isn’t off properly if it’s making a noise and still pissing water now does it? Or perhaps it does…

Then, today, someone emptied out a couple of bottles of milk from our work fridge that had gone off over the bank holiday weekend. But didn’t then bother to rinse the bottles out afterwards. No. They left them kicking up a funk on the kitchen worktop.

Fucks sake.

How do these mucky bastards function hygienically in their own homes? Actually, scratch that – I don’t wanna know…

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A friend of mine recently told me a story regarding one of his mates who, back in the day, had his first ever car stolen.

When he got to the spot where he’d left his prized possession, the only evidence that remained was a discarded Rick Astley tape, in the gutter, which the thief had apparently removed from the cassette player and flung out the window before driving off.

He is quoted as saying, “Funnily enough, that kinda made me hate the cunt a little bit less.”

Can’t argue with that.

Even thieves have some taste…

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Musical youth?

Posted: 09/02/2014 in Music
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I’m officially old.

Someone just posted a photo of some musical event happening somewhere later in the year, and I recognised precisely 0% of the artists listed.

Whatever happened to Duran Duran, Whitesnake, Heart, Spandau Ballet, Human League, The Bangles, Cameo, Cutting Crew, Erasure, Huey Lewis & The News, Johnny Hates Jazz, Katrina & The Waves, Kim Wilde, Phil Collins, Laura Branigan, Lionel Ritchie, Lisa Lougheed, Martika, Pat Benatar, Paula Abdul, The Pet Shop Boys, Starship, Status Quo, Bon Jovi and Tiffany?

Now THAT’S what I call a line up for a gig. Someone please get me a ticket to REWIND. Sharpish.

I’ve been pissed, but I’ve never needed anything more than sleep, water and a couple of paracetamols to get over it the following day. I’ve certainly never needed hospitalisation.

Harmless, amusing challenges with no associated risk are one thing, but there’s a difference between having a drink (or indeed several) and drinking yourself (literally) to death.

The bottom line is that Irish DJ, who is now dead, wouldn’t have been if he hadn’t been challenged to do it in the first place, and been fucking stupid enough to actually attempt it. In fact, I believe there have been two deaths associated with this craze over the weekend. Needless deaths.

Sadly, these people have no one to blame but themselves for their untimely demises. But I doubt that’s any comfort to their grieving family and friends.

Just my opinion. Everyone’s gonna do what they’re gonna do aren’t they.

Reincarnation

Posted: 11/03/2013 in Filth & Smut, Humour, Serious

I was thinking the other day:-

If I were to be reincarnated, I’d like to come back as Kelly Brooks’ favourite pair of knickers.

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That is all.

Roses are red…

Posted: 14/02/2013 in Serious

As I read through the last tweets of Reeva Steenkamp I can’t help but feel sad over the unexpectedness & immediacy of death sometimes. #RIP

So, today is Isla’s (my Nieces) first Birthday! I got to see her on the actual day itself, ahead of her first Birthday party tomorrow. I couldn’t help thinking back to this time last year, over at Maidstone hospital… You can read my blog entry from back then here.

She was so tiny, so weak, so small, so helpless… And now, a year on, she’s got two teeth in her head, is almost walking, has more hair than her Daddy, and is as strong, fit and healthy as ever a girl was!

I’m bursting with pride as to what amazing parents Claire and Danny have become, and to being part of such a fantastic family.

Happy Birthday Isla. I love you ♥ xxxx