Michael, OBE?

Posted: 31/12/2011 in Humour, Serious
Tags: , , ,

Gotta laugh at these New Years Honours lists. Seems any old bell can get a CBE, MBE or OBE these days…

A convicted fraudster (who ‘turned his life around’ and now raises money for charity – yeah right), an indian restaurateur who has promoted indian cuisine (ok, I’ll let that one go – worthy enough) and then some black kid who was in a gang, was also a drug addict and criminal, but who has now also ‘turned his life around’ and helps his local community. And Lorraine Kelly?

…Do fuck off.

Happy Halloween

Posted: 29/10/2011 in Filth & Smut, Humour, Picture

The funniest thing you’ll ever watch on YouTube. EVER.

I don’t know who came up with this, but I take my hat off to you. GENIUS!

Hello Rioters. Look at your friend, now back to me. Now at your friend, now back to me.

Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using petrol bombs and started using job centre he could potentially be me.

Look down, back up. Where are we? You’re at an interview with the man your friend could work for.

What’s in your hand? Back at me.

I have it. It’s an application form for that job you need.

Look again. The form is now money.

Anything is possible when you get a job and stop looting.

I’m at my job.

I always mix up Caroline Quentin and Pauline Quirk for some reason.

Perhaps it’s because they’re both ugly and have first names ending in ‘line’ and surnames beginning with ‘Q’?

Yeah, that’ll be it…

I’ve just received notification from http://www.urbandictionary.com that my definition of the term ‘pidge’ (as listed in my Hoffisms blog) is to be published. Sadly however, they opted not to publish my definition of the term ‘chubb’.

Click here to visit the page in question.

And if any of you would like my autograph, please get in touch.

Things I love

Posted: 27/07/2011 in Food & Drink, Humour, Serious

And here are some things I truly love, adore and wouldn’t want to be without…

  • My family
  • Curry
  • Tea
  • Laughter
  • 80’s music
  • KFC
  • Pizza Hut
  • Kebabs
  • Lager
  • Brandy
  • Indian head massage
  • My bed
  • Keira Knightley
  • Biscuits
  • Coffee
  • Orange juice and lemonade
  • McDonalds
  • Chicken fajitas
  • Jalapeno peppers
  • Television
  • Twitter
  • Kissing
  • Crisps
  • Melon
  • Friends
  • Knight Rider
  • Eva Longoria
  • My Sky+ box
  • My mobile phone
  • Custard pups
  • Pepsi Max
  • Cider
  • Muesli
  • Driving
  • Yogurts
  • Swearing
  • Cuddles