Posts Tagged ‘grumpy’

One foot in the grave?

Posted: 27/05/2014 in Humour, Serious
Tags: , , ,

I fully acknowledge and accept the fact I’m fast becoming a grumpy old man, but I’ve just returned from the piss-house at work and someone before me has walked away from the sink having left the tap slightly on. 

Now, we’re not talking an occasional drip here; there’s a definite and significant egress of water happening. The tap’s even making a funny noise, the likes of which you’d expect when it hasn’t been shut off properly, so there’s no way whoever it was couldn’t have realised.

Whilst I congratulate them on washing their hands after their tinkle (or plop), it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out the tap isn’t off properly if it’s making a noise and still pissing water now does it? Or perhaps it does…

Then, today, someone emptied out a couple of bottles of milk from our work fridge that had gone off over the bank holiday weekend. But didn’t then bother to rinse the bottles out afterwards. No. They left them kicking up a funk on the kitchen worktop.

Fucks sake.

How do these mucky bastards function hygienically in their own homes? Actually, scratch that – I don’t wanna know…

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I should be on TV…

Posted: 25/05/2010 in Humour
Tags: , ,

Okay, so this is my first attempt at a ‘blog’, or ‘blog page’ or whatever else you might wanna call it. I hope it’s right, appears in the correct place within my site, and makes some semblance of sense to you all. If not, tough shit. It’s my blog…

Anyway, I have digressed already.

I should be on TV. It’s true. Last night, on Comedy Central, I was watching Grumpy Old Men. I believe there is now also a Grumpy Young Men version which may be a more appropriate forum for a chap of my tender young age. (The kinder amongst you may agree.)

There are so many things in life that piss me off. I could have an entire programme to myself, lasting an hour or more (with no advert breaks – unheard of in todays TV world – and ironically, this in itself is one of the things that really gets on my moobs) in which I could vent my spleen about such things as:

  • bad driving (lane hoggers, people who don’t speed and the like);
  • bad manners and general etiquette;
  • people who disapprove of swearing (which, I might add, I love);
  • ‘text’ or ghetto speak (ya no wat i meen innit bruv);
  • people who mis-use the words “their”, “there” and “they’re”;
  • tofu (I mean, what is its point, really?);
  • the aforementioned excessive TV advert breaks in programmes (a 1 hour programme consists of at least 15 minutes of woeful ad breaks);
  • Lady Gaga (what a pointless clout);
  • Mika (what an even bigger waste of skin);
  • Football and footballers (grown men being paid vast sums of money to kick a sack of wind round a field);
  • Harry Potter (sorry, I just didn’t get it – and I don’t want to. Ever);
  • El Divo (what bellends they truly are);
  • Britain’s Got Talent (when it clearly hasn’t in 99.8% of cases);

I could go on. And I’d like to. But you’re just gonna have to wait to see me on TV for more of the same…